like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
