between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Floor bacon is actually really good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
