We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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