Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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