I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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