i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
