I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
