I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
