You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
