just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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