Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
