come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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