after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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