There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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