I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
