Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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