how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just had sex bonerless
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
