respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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