Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
