i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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