She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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