I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
