Got a toothbrush?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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