every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
