I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
zippers are such a cool invention
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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