the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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