No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
