its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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