don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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