I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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