The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You pole danced in your parka.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
