end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
