my mouth tastes like poor choices
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
