He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
