This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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