I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
