My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is wine microwaveable?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
