I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
