id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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