Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
