Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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