i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
