so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
