Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
