I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
