I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
