he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
