forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
