maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
