His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
