A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
