So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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